[Moment-by-moment account of a media spelling bee held in 1995 at Rebar, corner of 16th Street and 7th Avenue, now defunct; thanks to Jesse Sheidlower for retrieving this long lost chronology]

* The bee began with an introduction by the host, Sam Pratt (editor, Ersatz
Monthly, and American editor, The Modern Review), who said he hoped that no
losing contestant would run bawling from the Rebar homeroom, pedal all the
way home, slam the bedroom door, and announce that they could "never, ever
show their face in school again." To prevent such an occurance, Hershey's
bars were presented as condolence prizes.

* Emcee Jonathan Alger (exhibition designer, Chermayeff & Geismar). Alger
introduced and quizzed the judge for the evening, Jesse Sheidlower (editor,
Random House Reference) to establish his credentials. Sheidlower correctly
spelled each of the winning words from the National Spelling Bee for the
years 1970-1979, to wit:

1970: croissant
1971: shalloon
1972: macerate
1973: vouchsafe
1974: hydrophyte
1975: incisor
1976: narcolepsy
1977: cambist
1978: deification
1979: maculature

* Sheidlower also tossed off SYZYGY before reading out the Rules of the
contest. Along the way he noted that contestants should take the precaution
of asking for a definition when in doubt, especially in the case of possible
homynyms such as PRINCPAL and PRINCIPLE, or AIR, HEIR, EYRE, E'ER and ERR.

* THE BOX, a fire-red container holding the Ten Hardest Words To Spell In The
English Language, was brought onstage by Jeremy Karekan. This was the first
of numerous times when Mr. Alger announced that he could "smell the fear."

* The contest finally got underway with a "free" round in which contestants
were encourage to creatively misspell various nonsense, slang, or otherwise
silly words:

DROOL * NICK QUINN ROSENKRANZ
TICKLISH * KAREN FRICKER
JEDI * TOM VANDERBILT
GRINCH * ANTHONY HADEN-GUEST
FLUFFERNUTTER * JIM HOLT
RUTABAGA * LIESL SCHILLINGER
ROLODEX * JULIE JUST
CRAPPY * BILL MCGOWAN, who noted that there is a "crappie" fish
LOOFA * DON WILLMOTT
WOOKIE * TIM BOGARDUS
KRYPTONITE * COLLEEN WERTHMANN
GROPE * JENNY LYN BADER
ORVILLE REDENBACHER * CHRIS WEITZ
POODLE * LEA SASLAV
TUTTI-FRUTTI * MATT HEIMER
SCHMALTZY * ALEX KUCZYNSKI

* The serious spelling then began:

NICK QUINN ROSENKRANZ spelled anxiety
KAREN FRICKER spelled hypocrisy
TOM VANDERBILT spelled pumpkin
ANTHONY HADEN-GUEST spelled geography
JIM HOLT spelled colorize
LIESL SCHILLINGER spelled influenza
JULIE JUST spelled friction
BILL MCGOWAN spelled alien
DON WILLMOTT spelled delicatessen
TIM BOGARDUS spelled criterion
COLLEEN WERTHMANN spelled astronaut
JENNY LYN BADER spelled available
CHRIS WEITZ spelled lightning
LEA SASLAV spelled commitment
MATT HEIMER spelled exorbitant
ALEX KUCZYNSKI spelled celibate
NICK QUINN ROSENKRANZ misspelled caricature
KAREN FRICKER spelled it correctly.
TOM VANDERBILT spelled topiary
ANTHONY HADEN-GUEST spelled primeval, and pointed out a correct alternate
      spelling as well....
JIM HOLT spelled personnel
LIESL SCHILLINGER spelled yeoman
JULIE JUST spelled wiliness
BILL McGOWAN spelled troika
DON WILLMOTT spelled sheriff
TIM BOGARDUS spelled sinecure
COLLEEN WERTHMANN spelled sanguine
JENNY LYN BADER spelled exaggerate
CHRIS WEITZ spelled beggar
LEA SASLAV spelled terrapin
MATT HEIMER spelled calendar
ALEX KUCZYNSKI spelled acquaintance
KAREN FRICKER misspelled carburetor
TOM VANDERBILT spelled it correctly
ANTHONY HADEN-GUEST spelled chilblain
JIM HOLT spelled mozzarella
LIESL SCHILLINGER spelled biopsy
JULIE JUST spelled guillotine
BILL McGOWAN spelled tungsten
DON WILLMOTT, TIM BOGARDUS, and COLLEEN WERTHMANN mispelled sacrilegious
JENNY LYN BADER spelled it right.
CHRIS WEITZ spelled abscess
LEA SASLAV spelled sumptuous
MATT HEIMER spelled ukelele
ALEX KUCZYNSKI spelled conscientious
TOM VANDERBILT spelled crepuscular
ANTHONY HADEN-GUEST misspelled chihuahua
JIM HOLT spelled it right
LIESL SCHILLINGER spelled xerography
JULIE JUST spelled privilege
BILL MCGOWAN misspelled aphid
JENNY LYN BADER spelled it right
CHRIS WEITZ spelled wildebeest
LEA SASLAS misspelled langoustine
MATT HEIMER spelled it right.
ALEX KUCZYNSKI spelled indispensable
TOM VANDERBILT spelled corpuscle
JIM HOLT spelled licorice
LIESL SCHILLINGER misspelled avoirdupois
JULIE JUST spelled it correctly
JENNY LYN BADER spelled chrysalis
CHRIS WEITZ spelled maneuver
MATT HEIMER spelled mayonnaise
ALEX KUCZYNSKI spelled decrescendo
TOM VANDERBILT misspelled barbiturate
JIM HOLT spelled it right
JULIE JUST spelled dahlia
JENNY LYN BADER spelled demurred
CHRIS WEITZ mispelled abscissa
MATT HEIMER spelled spelled it right
ALEX KUCZYNSKI, JIM HOLT, JULIE JUST and JENNY LYN BADER misspelled desinence
MATT HEIMER spelled it correctly
MATT HEIMER then needed to spell a second word to win the contest, but
      misspelled dirndl. ALEX KUCZYNSKI, JIM HOLT, JULIE JUST AND JENNY LYN BADER
      were thus reinstated
ALEX KUCZYNSKI misspelled hemorrhage
JIM HOLT spelled it correctly
JULIE JUST misspelled connoisseur
JENNY LYN BADER spelled it correctly
MATT HEIMER spelled nauseous
JIM HOLT spelled gnocchi
JENNY LYN BADER misspelled poinsettia
MATT HEIMER spelled it correctly
JIM HOLT spelled immolate
MATT HEIMER spelled inchoate
JIM HOLT spelled duodenum
Both MATT HEIMER and JIM HOLT misspelled colophon
MATT HEIMER misspelled appurtenant
JIM HOLT spelled it correctly
JIM HOLT then spelled dithyramb correctly to confirm his victory

* Finally, Jon Alger revealed the contents of the fell BOX, first removing a
      small, stuffed rabbit toy (???):

phthisic
sphygmomanometer
dybbuk
deipnosophist
eleemosynary
chthonic
usquebaugh
pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis
hoatzin

Concluding with the "single hardest word to spell in the English language":
      eisteddfodau

* Dictionary prizes donated by Random House Reference were then awarded to
      the five finalists (Kuczynski, Just, Bader, Heimer, and Holt).

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